It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize