...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
