I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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