Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
