After last night, I could never be a politician.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
