I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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