dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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