My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
