We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
