I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
