Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
