So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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