I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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