Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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