I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
