why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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