Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The air taste purple.
Randomize
