ADVERTISEMENT

• (209): View more from California

  yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.

  Fav 6 942 3891

  share tweet
  

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Being persistent has its perks my friend.

  Fav 11 3958 767

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (309): View more from Illinois

  I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  "I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.

  Fav 62 9453 1239

  share tweet
  

• (985): View more from Louisiana

  It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones

  Fav 6 5157 1096

  share tweet
  

• (740): View more from Ohio

  You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar

  Fav 8 846 2271

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine

  Fav 11 947 1635

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (518): View more from New York

  I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit

  Fav 3 1130 778

  share tweet
  

• (330): View more from Ohio

  Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.

  Fav 4 554 1076

  share tweet
  

• (979): View more from Texas

  The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.

  Fav 1 1209 487

  share tweet
  

• (224): View more from Illinois

  We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.

  Fav 1 164 99

  share tweet
  

• (256): View more from Alabama

  She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.

  Fav 3 253 119

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (720): View more from Colorado

  The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.

  Fav 0 19 33

  share tweet
  

• (856): View more from New Jersey

  WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM

  Fav 1 129 15

  share tweet
  

• (209): View more from California

  I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.

  Fav 1 40 15

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (253): View more from Washington

  Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.

  Fav 0 46 7

  share tweet
  

Randomize