We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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