Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
