PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
