Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
