Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
