Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
