at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
