So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
