remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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