So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
