I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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