Do you still have your period?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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