just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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