Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
