I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
