I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
