remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
