Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
