I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
