Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Randomize