My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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