After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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