Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
