weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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