I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
