I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
