Even the bartender felt bad for me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
