Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
