We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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