and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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