it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
