she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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