Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
