"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I love having hate sex.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
