Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
