out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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