Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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