you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
