my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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