the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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