I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Never underestimate the power of titties
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
