I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
