Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
