My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
