no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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