He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize