Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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