you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
