Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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