So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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