He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
