We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
