First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
