I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
