the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
