Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So many bounce houses so little time
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
